Sunday, April 7, 2013
Shock and Vapor
I felt like I needed to 'write it out' in the hopes of clearing my mind; and so, you get chosen to listen..
A week ago tonight I was driving home from Alabama to spend Easter with my family. How could I know in less than 5 days, my father would die.
How can someone be smiling and enjoying a meal and happy family time, then a few days later be in agony and struggling for breath..not even sure who or where he is at?
This man that I fought with and sometimes even hated--I also loved and sometimes, grudgingly, even admired--was such a force in my life that now I feel adrift.
I walk into his house and wonder where he is at. Will he be back in just a moment? There is his chair and book, just where he left them. Even the glass half-filled with water, waiting for him to finish it.
Why can't I cry when I have such a ball of sadness pushing to escape my chest? I can laugh and remember the good times, but cannot bring myself to speak of the anger and hurt that went before. Better to just remember the good and let the bad things remain in the past.
I have not even finished raising my last child, but who else will take care of my mother? Do I have the strength to cope?
I have heard the words so many times, but never before understood with such clarity, that life is truly just a vapor. Here today and gone with the wind.
I was not ready for this. I don't want to be the adult, the strong one. I don't want to NEED to be.
I miss you, Dad..
...........
Thanks for letting me use you to listen.
A week ago tonight I was driving home from Alabama to spend Easter with my family. How could I know in less than 5 days, my father would die.
How can someone be smiling and enjoying a meal and happy family time, then a few days later be in agony and struggling for breath..not even sure who or where he is at?
This man that I fought with and sometimes even hated--I also loved and sometimes, grudgingly, even admired--was such a force in my life that now I feel adrift.
I walk into his house and wonder where he is at. Will he be back in just a moment? There is his chair and book, just where he left them. Even the glass half-filled with water, waiting for him to finish it.
Why can't I cry when I have such a ball of sadness pushing to escape my chest? I can laugh and remember the good times, but cannot bring myself to speak of the anger and hurt that went before. Better to just remember the good and let the bad things remain in the past.
I have not even finished raising my last child, but who else will take care of my mother? Do I have the strength to cope?
I have heard the words so many times, but never before understood with such clarity, that life is truly just a vapor. Here today and gone with the wind.
I was not ready for this. I don't want to be the adult, the strong one. I don't want to NEED to be.
I miss you, Dad..
...........
Thanks for letting me use you to listen.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Friday, August 5, 2011
FOLLOW ME...Here is HOW
I have been hearing you cannot find how to follow my blog.
When you are on the post page (pink background...says: "Mommyz in the attic...") look
to the right in the side bar. There is a button that says: "Join This Sight", if you
click on that you can log into Blogspot with one of several choices such as
your Twitter, Yahoo, Google, etc. and can get your own blog. This also gives
you the option to follow mine.
Another choice is to the right
of the "Join This Sight" button, where you will see an
icon that looks like two small pink squares that slightly overlap one another. Click this
and you will see the option to follow my blog.
I hope this helps and that yo will be able to follow me. I look forward to sharing with you!!
When you are on the post page (pink background...says: "Mommyz in the attic...") look
to the right in the side bar. There is a button that says: "Join This Sight", if you
click on that you can log into Blogspot with one of several choices such as
your Twitter, Yahoo, Google, etc. and can get your own blog. This also gives
you the option to follow mine.
Another choice is to the right
of the "Join This Sight" button, where you will see an
icon that looks like two small pink squares that slightly overlap one another. Click this
and you will see the option to follow my blog.
I hope this helps and that yo will be able to follow me. I look forward to sharing with you!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
(#3) Mental Telephone Solitaire..or.."What do hot dogs have to do with Hawaii?"
I am sure you are already confused! Well, my family (minus DH : "stick-in-the-muditis"), has an uncanny ability to play mental telephone soltaire. It is "solitaire" because, while each of us play very well, none of us can play with each other!
I was prompted to share this by my daughter. Recently, I had thought to show her how impressed I was with my new ability to write down my profound thoughts for blogging as they come to me in the middle of the night. I just reach out, with one eye closed, and quickly capture the thought onto the notepad of my iPhone, so I can expound upon it in blog form later when fully awake.
Yes, well, it would seem more than one eye was still asleep! An example of my most recent note taking rendered this result: "Mental telephone solitare with melting witch and flying monkeys and wild horses but no red shoes"
Now, here it is a couple weeks later and I am quite baffled by the entire thought! Was I having a Wizard of Oz moment? How did the mental (no comments here, please!) fit in? What about a telephone and solitaire? Why were there no red shoes, and where did the wild horses come in? I am sure, in my dozing state that this all had great clarity and meaning! I feel somehow that I have let everyone down, as surely there was a very profound revelation that I have let slip through the REM cycle!
One thing I have been able to understand from it all (at least it sounds good now) is the mental telephone solitaire; so I will give you all theodd exciting details of that part and perhaps I will sleep to dream of the rest again..
My (and I refuse to take the wrap alone--my kids are the same) mind tends to jump a lot of tracks, cross many wires, whatever analogy works for you...the point is that when I hear something it enters my mind but jumps from stop to stop inside my head until it comes out my mouth a quite different thought!
That is why the "mental telephone" part. Ever play "telephone" as a child, where one person whispers a word into the ear of the first person, and each passes it down the line until the last person speaks it aloud? Rarely is it still the same. Now you get the idea.
A recent example is when my daughter said she wanted a hot dog and my mind went to a "dog" which then made me think of my dog, Tiki. This made me think of the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland, which made me think of pineapple (they sell pineapple spears out front of the ride). Once I had pineapple on the brain it made me think of Hawaii.
Now...all of this is split second thought jumping. So as soon as my daughter said she wanted a hot dog---I responded with, "I'd love to be in Hawaii right now."
Yes....even tho my family plays, as I said, it is solitaire...none of our minds seem to take the same tracks as the other so yes, she may play, but she still looked at me as if to say WHAT??!! (rather like I feel you are doing right now!!)
The best part of the whole "mental issue" (wink wink) however, is that next, we get to explain how we got from what they said, to what we responded. Much laughter and fun always ensues after the explanation!
I will not say we have the most nuts on our family tree, as I cannot reveal as much about the other branches, but we certainly do have our share! Just remember..Most people love nuts and our brand result in much laughter which is good medicine! Viva La Nuts!! ;)
I was prompted to share this by my daughter. Recently, I had thought to show her how impressed I was with my new ability to write down my profound thoughts for blogging as they come to me in the middle of the night. I just reach out, with one eye closed, and quickly capture the thought onto the notepad of my iPhone, so I can expound upon it in blog form later when fully awake.
Yes, well, it would seem more than one eye was still asleep! An example of my most recent note taking rendered this result: "Mental telephone solitare with melting witch and flying monkeys and wild horses but no red shoes"
Now, here it is a couple weeks later and I am quite baffled by the entire thought! Was I having a Wizard of Oz moment? How did the mental (no comments here, please!) fit in? What about a telephone and solitaire? Why were there no red shoes, and where did the wild horses come in? I am sure, in my dozing state that this all had great clarity and meaning! I feel somehow that I have let everyone down, as surely there was a very profound revelation that I have let slip through the REM cycle!
One thing I have been able to understand from it all (at least it sounds good now) is the mental telephone solitaire; so I will give you all the
My (and I refuse to take the wrap alone--my kids are the same) mind tends to jump a lot of tracks, cross many wires, whatever analogy works for you...the point is that when I hear something it enters my mind but jumps from stop to stop inside my head until it comes out my mouth a quite different thought!
That is why the "mental telephone" part. Ever play "telephone" as a child, where one person whispers a word into the ear of the first person, and each passes it down the line until the last person speaks it aloud? Rarely is it still the same. Now you get the idea.
A recent example is when my daughter said she wanted a hot dog and my mind went to a "dog" which then made me think of my dog, Tiki. This made me think of the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disneyland, which made me think of pineapple (they sell pineapple spears out front of the ride). Once I had pineapple on the brain it made me think of Hawaii.
Now...all of this is split second thought jumping. So as soon as my daughter said she wanted a hot dog---I responded with, "I'd love to be in Hawaii right now."
Yes....even tho my family plays, as I said, it is solitaire...none of our minds seem to take the same tracks as the other so yes, she may play, but she still looked at me as if to say WHAT??!! (rather like I feel you are doing right now!!)
The best part of the whole "mental issue" (wink wink) however, is that next, we get to explain how we got from what they said, to what we responded. Much laughter and fun always ensues after the explanation!
I will not say we have the most nuts on our family tree, as I cannot reveal as much about the other branches, but we certainly do have our share! Just remember..Most people love nuts and our brand result in much laughter which is good medicine! Viva La Nuts!! ;)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
(#2) There's still some nuts on the family tree...
We are who we are, in large part, because of the family we come from. On my dad's side were an abundance (13) of children in a very poor setting. They were raised to always be seen and never heard. As soon as they were old enough to drag a cotton sack, they had to go out and help in the fields and when a bit larger (around 10 years old) they got jobs in the local factories and farms. Life in Arkansas in the mid to late 30's. My mom was one of five children, and also fairly poor. However, her mom died when she was only five and her grandma down the road, and older sister raised her. At 11 years old her brother took her in with him and his wife.
While my dad's childhood left him with a great work ethic, he really doesn't get humor; and especially not if it is silly. Perhaps because my mom was raised by kids, she has always had a particular sense of fun and silliness. Most of her family, are very easy to discern as limbs from the same tree. Thus, my cousins and I grew up with a multitude of LOL-style memories!
Unfortunately, those branches of the tree tend to be ripe with nuts of many types. It seems that OCD runs through that side of the family and it is very strong in me and all of my children, even my grandchild. In the early years, my mother's father made many comments regarding the "oddeties" of his grandchildren - which we find hilarious today. It is true, our "quirks" became apparent at young ages. In addition, our mothers were prone to bouts of laughter until they could not breathe, so we were "weird, and dinghy." Do not misunderstand me -- I am very happy with who I am -- I am just giving you, the reader, a little peek into the younger years of this particular family tree..
The ability of our close knit, extended family to find laughter and fun regardless of the situations life throws at them is the reason I can see the "sunny side" in my life as an adult. Each and every leaf, limb, and yes, nut, on that tree contributed to my ability to entertain and amuse my family and friends (often to the point of wetting their pants). I love them dearly, and while there are certainly a few "insects" and "rotten spots" on our tree, I am grateful for the "ME" they helped to form.
While my dad's childhood left him with a great work ethic, he really doesn't get humor; and especially not if it is silly. Perhaps because my mom was raised by kids, she has always had a particular sense of fun and silliness. Most of her family, are very easy to discern as limbs from the same tree. Thus, my cousins and I grew up with a multitude of LOL-style memories!
Unfortunately, those branches of the tree tend to be ripe with nuts of many types. It seems that OCD runs through that side of the family and it is very strong in me and all of my children, even my grandchild. In the early years, my mother's father made many comments regarding the "oddeties" of his grandchildren - which we find hilarious today. It is true, our "quirks" became apparent at young ages. In addition, our mothers were prone to bouts of laughter until they could not breathe, so we were "weird, and dinghy." Do not misunderstand me -- I am very happy with who I am -- I am just giving you, the reader, a little peek into the younger years of this particular family tree..
The ability of our close knit, extended family to find laughter and fun regardless of the situations life throws at them is the reason I can see the "sunny side" in my life as an adult. Each and every leaf, limb, and yes, nut, on that tree contributed to my ability to entertain and amuse my family and friends (often to the point of wetting their pants). I love them dearly, and while there are certainly a few "insects" and "rotten spots" on our tree, I am grateful for the "ME" they helped to form.
Monday, April 11, 2011
(#1) Getting to know me...or not!
Let's just get the introduction out of the way so you will know a little bit about me and WHY I live in the attic!
First of all, I figure that some of you will read this blog because you are curious, some because you are hoping for some "dirt". Many will not even bother, and then there are the ones who - like myself - see a one woman soap opera and are unable to turn away in rather the same manner as a rubber-necker at an auto wreck!
As for my personality we can begin with Pookie (my dh) --Hubby has recently taken to calling me "Gadget Girl" because I spend ALL my free time when we are on the road either playing on laptop, updating or playing on my iPhone; or loading, watching or playing with my ipod..I ADORE gadgetry!! (He simply wishes that I spent much more time adoring him) I am self-taught in nearly all I know. It is a compulsion I have to learn what I do thoroughly, which really annoys my family. My true hobby/passion is in photo and video editing. However, with all the things I learn and do, as well as being CFO of our business endeavor and homeschooling my last two children I barely have time to be the lounge lizard I dream of!
------------------------------------------------ While I have been a homeschooling mom for 20 years with occasional forays into cake decorating; and also creating DVD slideshows for sale, I was, until a recent back injury, traveling around the country working with my honey in our new business. Would rather be at home with my family than anywhere else, but always up for a fun girls day out!--(yup, call me!!)-
In a nutshell (this is for those of you smart enough to jump to the end, lol), I am a blue/orange personality with severe OCD and anxiety disorder. There is my husband of 26 years, who is the cast for "stick-in-the-muditis" and five children whose sole purpose in life is to see who can drive mom to the corner with her Lambchop puppet first!!
I have two grandkids and am resident zookeeper for various living, needy things. Are you beginning to see why the attic might be appealing to me?
First of all, I figure that some of you will read this blog because you are curious, some because you are hoping for some "dirt". Many will not even bother, and then there are the ones who - like myself - see a one woman soap opera and are unable to turn away in rather the same manner as a rubber-necker at an auto wreck!
As for my personality we can begin with Pookie (my dh) --Hubby has recently taken to calling me "Gadget Girl" because I spend ALL my free time when we are on the road either playing on laptop, updating or playing on my iPhone; or loading, watching or playing with my ipod..I ADORE gadgetry!! (He simply wishes that I spent much more time adoring him) I am self-taught in nearly all I know. It is a compulsion I have to learn what I do thoroughly, which really annoys my family. My true hobby/passion is in photo and video editing. However, with all the things I learn and do, as well as being CFO of our business endeavor and homeschooling my last two children I barely have time to be the lounge lizard I dream of!
------------------------------------------------ While I have been a homeschooling mom for 20 years with occasional forays into cake decorating; and also creating DVD slideshows for sale, I was, until a recent back injury, traveling around the country working with my honey in our new business. Would rather be at home with my family than anywhere else, but always up for a fun girls day out!--(yup, call me!!)-
In a nutshell (this is for those of you smart enough to jump to the end, lol), I am a blue/orange personality with severe OCD and anxiety disorder. There is my husband of 26 years, who is the cast for "stick-in-the-muditis" and five children whose sole purpose in life is to see who can drive mom to the corner with her Lambchop puppet first!!
I have two grandkids and am resident zookeeper for various living, needy things. Are you beginning to see why the attic might be appealing to me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)